I wish my six year-old didn't have to worry so.
Oh my sweet boy. How I so desperately wish that at the age of 6 you didn't worry about your mommy like you do. I wish you could leave the worrying to me -that's my job.
The night of my office Holiday party. Since my job and the party is about an hour away, I usually stay at a friend's house who lives in the area. So I put my son down for the night, and said, "remember Bubba, tomorrow night I'm not going to see you. I'm going to stay in Philadelphia after the party."His response was, "Awww man! But I'm going to miss you. I wanna go with you." After I comforted him some. I said good night, kissed him all over and went to relax before turning in myself.
Ten minutes later, I hear crying. No calling out of "mommy" just crying. I went into his room and the conversation went like this:
Me: bubba, are you crying?
Bryce: no (while sniffling and still crying)
Me: oh bud. It's ok. Can you please tell me what's wrong?
B: (through tears, I don't want you to go to "fifadelfia"I'm going to miss you.
Me: But babe. A couple of weeks ago I went for a night. This is the same thing.
B: but who's going to take care of you?
By this point we both were crying.
Me: oh bubba. Are you scared that something is going to happen to mommy?
B: (shakes his head yes, while still crying) what if you fall like last time (as he mimicked fainting with his own body).
Clearly, he was referring to the night of the aneurysm rupture.
Us: more crying. We just held each other and cried at this point.
Me: oh baby, I know that was super scary for you. But mommy will be with a lot of great friends who will take care of her. Really good care of her. I promise. And after school. I promise I will FaceTime with you and tell you I'm ok. Ok?
B: He grabbed my face with his chubby little hands and said, I'm gonna miss you mommy. Be careful."
Me: I will, bubba, mommy has to come home to you. I came home once, and I'll continue to come home as long as God let's me and wants me to.
As I laid with him in his bed a while longer. He caressed my face and consoled my broken heart.
It physically hurts that he has to worry about this. I do enough worrying for the both of us.
I think it was the word "party" that made him worry. Although a few weeks ago I had gone to a New Year's Eve party at uncle Cody's house. My mom and him had dropped me off and he knows his Uncle Cody.
So I think the uneasiness of it all laid with the unknowns for him.
So before we headed to the party. After he got home from school, I FaceTimed with him and introduced him to my amazing friends that would take care of me that night.
They say that having a child is like deciding that you will "forever have your heart go walking around outside your body."Well my heart (like many of us) is out and about all day long so vulnerable and yet so incredibly strong and brave.
Love and Triumph to you all.